Hello, humans! Here we come with my random fact part 6. I just thought to write this after I took a nap for like 30 – 40 minutes ago. It just came out from my mind. It’s just about my life experiences that probably gonna be a little bit helpful.
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I love Spongebob Squarepants so much, but I don’t like yellow, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need yellow. Do you get it ? The fact that I love Spongebob Squarepants so much (even though I’m 19 y.o now), but I don’t like (even kind of hate little bit) with yellow color its little bit awkward. I know, but I know it too that I can’t live my life without yellow too. Back then, when we were kids, we tend to color the Sun with yellow and a little bit orange color, or probably yellow stars, lemons, other things with yellow color. I dislike yellow so much that I don’t want to have yellow clothes, but then I’ve Spongebob dolls in my room. Sometimes, we think that we hate something and we don’t need it but that could be wrong.
I never really hate a person in my life, I don’t think it’s good for me to hate someone so I’ll just forgive everyone, but sometimes I keep in my mind that I want to show them that I don’t need them. That’s one of my biggest mistakes. My mind says it’s okay, but my heart doesn’t feel it.
I just realized it yesterday. Yesterday, it was the 17th anniversary of Pusdiklat Sukhavatti Maitreya Yogyakarta, I came and helped there. I helped in the Pempek Palembang’s booth. Couple of months ago, I got a problem with a man actually, it was a little complicated and didn’t end very well. I kept in my mind that it was fine, I didn’t have to hate that man, but I knew my heart wanted to show everyone that I didn’t need that man. It was a big mistake just like I said. Each time I met him, it would be awkward and not too comfortable for me. I told my friends that he was the one doing the awkward situation. Last night, I realized it was actually me that all this time spread the negativity around me when he came. Why? Yesterday, at the booth, I was trying to give good service to everyone that came to my booth, everyone, including him. When I tried to give him as good as everyone else, I didn’t feel that awkward situation or negativity around me, in fact, I felt happy and glad at the same time. At night, I realized that it was my mistake. Although I dislike someone, doesn’t mean I don’t need that someone. I don’t need to forgive him, all I need to do just to forgive myself first and then I won’t feel that negativity anymore when I meet him.
This experience makes me remember about my other experiences. When I was still in the Senior Highschool, I got some problems with a bunch of girls because I was getting too close with their ex-boyfriends (I repeat, EX-boyfriends). I didn’t think it was a big deal at that time, I wanted to show them that I would be just fine, even though I knew they talked bad things about me, dislike me, and lots more. I tried to be fine, although I felt quite sad. There was a moment when they wanted to held this Junior highschool reunion things, it was canceled at first due to some reasons. They tried to rearrange it, I tried my best to join it and then guess what? They didn’t allow me to join that reunion. I felt angry at that time, it should not be called as “reunion” when you wouldn’t let a person or some people to join it. I cried, I really did. The only thing that was making me happy, my bestfriends canceled it too and they just stayed home just like me. Once again, I forgave them, I wanted to show them I would be fine without them. After that, I realized that I couldn’t do it, why? because we were still in the same school. We had known each other for like 4-5 years at that time, I couldn’t do it because I knew no matter how bad they were at that time, they were still a part of my life that I need. They ever gave me some good experiences too, good memories, laughter, happiness, and lots more. I realized at that time that I wouldn’t say that “I don’t need that person/people” just because of their 1 single mistake. In fact, even though they dislike me too, some of them were still contacting me at that time to help them with some of their homework and so on. So, I knew at that time that they were having a problem just like me, dislike someone but actually need that someone too. So, that was my first time to forgive myself and to let go that negativity away.
For years, I dislike yellow so much, but now? I’ve yellow towel, yellow shirt, spongebob dolls, yellow soap bottle, yellow pen, yellow sticky notes, and more. All I need to do it just to forgive myself , let go the negativity out of myself and make sure it won’t come back.
So. that's it about this random fact edition. It's raining now in Yogyakarta, good time to take another nap. XOXO~
